The Effect of Rejection on the Mind

 

By: Kyle Russell

 

It doesn’t come as a surprise that rejection hurts. It also doesn’t come as a surprise that it comes in many different forms. From family and friends to peers and lovers, rejection is everywhere, and it can affect anyone.

 

First, let’s describe what rejection is before we talk about how it affects the mind. The definition of rejection is the dismissing or refusing of a proposal. This definition alone can have many interpretations since rejection can come from just about anywhere. Rejection is often defined as ‘real pain’. Many different sites online talk about rejection and how hard it can be to cope with.

 

Many studies have shown that rejection can lead some to enact in violent or suicidal ways. “Social rejection can influence emotion, cognition, and even physical health. Ostracized people sometimes become aggressive and can turn to violence. In 2003, Leary and colleagues analyzed 15 cases of school shooters, and found all but two suffered from social rejection” (Aggressive Behavior, 2003) (www.apa.org). "Almost all of the school shooting incidents, including Columbine, involved rejection by peers,'' Twenge said. "This research suggests that social rejection may have played a crucial role in the violence perpetrated by the school shooters.'' (http://www.rense.com/general17/rejectionbypeers.htm)

 

Rejection can also make the person rejected feel worse about themselves. In a poll I did at my school, 50 people were given a questionnaire about rejection, a lot of them said that they felt let down, or like they were worthless or didn’t meet the expectations of the other person. Some even felt angry, but then I asked them this: Have they ever rejected someone and how did they make them feel and if they ever thought about how the person rejected felt. Surprisingly, a few actually said that they did feel bad. “Yes, it honestly makes me feel bad because it’s like being asked out or something. I know it probably took a lot for them to do that or just to hang out. It could make them feel crappy, but my answer isn’t meant to hurt them but everyone gets rejected at times and it’s a learning process of life,” says one of the 50 that filled out the questionnaire. “Yes, not so hot, and yes because you can see it in their eyes and face how upset they get,” says another. So, it seems that rejection can affect everyone, not just the person who gets rejected. Hell, there were points in my life where I had to reject some requests. Afterwards, I felt bad. Rejection hurts us all and makes us feel bad about ourselves, but hey, rejection is a part of life that everyone experiences, and there is no way to avoid it.